Just because people don’t talk about their feelings, doesn’t mean they don’t have them.
I read this quote the other day and I thought – Wow that’s really true, we don’t understand that people are different. Maybe it’s not that we don’t understand, we don’t accept that people are different. We have this expectation that how we deal with issues is the same way that others will deal with it. Our way is obviously the correct way, and if people deal with it in a different way then they are wrong.
We have to realise that there are different personalities and everyone has their own way of dealing with something.
You get the people who wear their heart on their sleeve. If there’s anything happening in their life, you know about it. Chapter and verse. What the problems are, who did what and how they did it. You know exactly how they’re feeling.
Then you get those people where still waters run deep, and I fit into that category, where I’m an internal processor. If you say something hurtful to me, I will absorb that inside of me, and I won’t necessarily react then, but I’ll take time to absorb it and process it. I won’t necessarily give you feedback on my thoughts about it. I will keep it internally. People then think that they can just say things, that it doesn’t worry you, that it has no impact on you, when really there is nothing further from the truth.
Everybody can be impacted by hurtful comments.
We need to learn to be a little bit more considerate about others and their feelings.
Particularly in this day and age when we see all the war and conflict going on.
We need to think about what can WE do, because everybody thinks “What can I do? How can I stop people bombing other people, or shooting or these terrorist attacks?”
Maybe you can’t stop those terrorist attacks, but the differences you can make in your community, in your life, and the ripple effect that that has out into the community, can only make a difference.
Any love that you can bring into a situation just has to multiply, has to move out. It has to affect people. If you can make just one person feel better about themselves, and encourage another person, it has to impact on others.
It’s a case of remembering that there is no right or wrong.
We all have our own ways and accepting that people are different and treating people with understanding and compassion. And allowing them to process their feelings the way that suits them.
I’ve been studying about different personalities, the Myers Briggs test, if you want to find out more about that, there are a couple of spots where you can do free tests and find out what you are, (Personality Junkies) and get an understanding of other personalities, so that when you meet other people, you can go “Ah, that’s how they do it, that’s who they are, that’s how they process things.”
Allow people the space to do that. It doesn’t matter who you are delivering any constructive criticism, or something that may be a little bit uncomfortable for somebody, consider the way that you deliver that information. Make sure there is kindness, love and encouragement with how you deal with the situation.
Don’t let things go on either. Try and nip situations in the bud so that you’re not dealing with a major big issue. Respect your boundaries and respect the boundaries of others, and people will respect you that much more as well.
There’s a great anagram which says consider these things before you say something. The anagram is based on the word THINK. Think about this before you say something that may be hurtful to another person.
T – is it TRUE?
H – is it HELPFUL?
I – Is it INSPIRING?
N – is it NECESSARY?
K – is it KIND?
If you can pass it across all those bridges then you can consider telling the person, but still, wrap it in kindness, love and encouragement in how they can improve and do your bit to make the world a better place.